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todays' topic: gender
I remember a conversation I had with one of my male friends one evening over drinks at The Waiting Room. I remember nudging him in his side as he gazed longingly at a passing woman who was baring her legs in a tiny skirt that I could’ve sworn belonged to the little dog she was dragging around the place. (I may perve over guys but I don't make it obvious the way he does!) He tried to explain how a man’s mind works, or stops working when an attractive woman walks by. I thought he was just trying to make me laugh. He said that men, essentially, use everything they do as a means to impress women. They get jobs to support themselves and buy nice things… to impress women. They wear nice clothes… to impress women. They get fit… to impress women. They drive nice cars… to impress women; unlike women who get jobs to pay the bills; who buy nice clothes because it makes them feel good; who buy cars that look great and are functional; who buy nice things because… they’re nice. And then when the mood strikes women, they’ll buy something that’ll please their own men or a particular man they want. That was his take on things anyway. Then you get the women who just want attention, like the woman with the little skirt and the little dog, who want to impress men as well, using the only thing that men cannot withstand—the power of a woman’s sex appeal.
Apparently, a woman’s sex appeal is so compelling that it makes a man virtually powerless. When a woman has a man “in her clutches, it’s hopeless.” According to him, no man should try to deny it because they’d only be lying to themselves—“women have more power than they realize.” Well. I thought this was really funny but he assured me he was serious. He asked me what I thought the reason for men falling asleep after a session of passionate lovemaking was. Apparently, they do it because they are so overwhelmed that their bodies need to shut down for a while. And why do they call a male version of an orgasm “La Petit Mort” (the little death)? Because it’s “like dying, seeing a glimpse of heaven and then being resurrected.” He went on to say that men insisted that women wear burka in the middle east because men can’t resist women and God will most definitely smite them for having impure thoughts! Unfortunately for us, a woman who was listening in on our conversation spoke out loud and said, women are called whores and are subjected to that kind of abuse because they have so much sexual prowess that men need to oppress women to regain some of their misplaced pride; by using their religion, they are reducing women to a status of lesser being…
The conversation was quite amusing up until that point. Surely women being oppressed in such a way had more to do with their sex appeal. Rather unexpected I must say, though it has since occurred to me that to him and most men, women are seen as two things – either as a “sexual consort” or a mother who takes care of the needs of her family. Only recently have women started showing themselves as the intelligent, worthy, competent beings that they are. However he made fun of the situation, my friend truly believed that women were definitely getting the short end of the stick, but that wasn’t going to stop him from getting that new pair of shoes.
I’m not an expert, but I’d say that, besides the fact that women are subject to that, men seem like they are adamant to become successful or wealthy, because that somehow feeds their need to be respected and powerful. What better way to do it other than with money? Money is what you need to get anywhere on this planet. If you have money, you’re set; you can have anything you want, or at least whatever you want is a whole lot easier to get. And if you have enough, you can afford your every fancy – and anyone else’s. If you disagree, you could say that it fits with the whole “hunt-and-gather, provide for the missus” thing. No disrespect to men, it just seems as if success is their main priority, besides impressing women. :) In my opinion, getting rid of this whole patriarchalism issue will prove to be very difficult, if we ever manage to do it. We are raised with the belief that boys don’t cry; men protect and women nurture. The minute we are born, our parents impose these roles on us, sometimes without even realizing it. If Timmy is 6 years old and gets punched in the head, his teacher won’t hold him and kiss it better because he is male, and to survive in the world he needs to toughen up that way. However, Katie gets a cookie and a cup of sugar-water for shock. Timmy gets legos and follows dad around with a plastic hammer, while Katie gets a doll-house complete with an oven and a crib for the baby. We raise our kids that way because we assume that that’s how it’s supposed to be. And we’ll keep doing it because that’s the way we were raised. That’s not to say that things aren’t/won’t change. Women seem to be breaking out of the stereotype starting from their own homes, getting jobs usually taken up by men and leaving their husbands to take care of the kids… Which sort of makes me wonder what men think they’re useful for now that women can do what they do, if not better?
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