Crisis, what crisis?
Posted by Vicki Scholtz | 28 Nov, 2008The Cow sighed contentedly as she read the news. It always reassured her when science and "common sense" concurred - as if she were just a little more likely to do well on the pub quiz as a result.
"So,"she chuckled to Bronstein, "I wasn't just imagining it then."
Bronstein looked up, bemused. "So a Scottish accent is the most reassuring in a crisis? You were imagning that?"
"No" sighed the Cow. "It's just that every time Gordon Brown goes on tv to discuss the financial crisis, his accent comes over all haggisy. The rest of the time it's as hot potato as Tony Blair or George Osborne."
"Ah," agreed Bronstein. "I've noticed that myself. I'd always put it down to his wanting to capitalise on the Scots reputation for fiscal prudence, but perhaps it is that crisis calming thing rather."
"Odd that the British equivalent of the NSRI conducted that survey, though. Does this mean that all their phones will now be routed through to a ccall centre in Glasgow?" the Cow pondered.
"Well, that would put a few million Indians out of work, if everyone did that! And they'd have to invest in special headsets in the call centres, so that the mouthpieces didn't get choked up with deep-fried Mars bars!" mused Bronstein.
"And a number of South Africans!" chuckled the Cow. She recalled the struggle to get insured to drive in the UK, finally abandoned after the umpteenth call - to a UK insurer's call centre in South Africa - drew a blank.
"Hmm..." Bronstein paused. "I wonder if faking a Scottish accent would have the same calming impact in SA? Imagine a Minister of Health announcing HIV stats, or the Minister of Education announcing matric pass rates, in a calming Scottish accent!"
"Well," the Cow muttered drily, "They could take acccent coaching from comedians - they seem pretty adept at faking accents - but I suspect there are already far too many jokers in politics."
Och, that's nae funny, eh!! Specially yon bit aboot Mars Bars - that's a Glasgae thing, aye? We civilised folk fry up Kit-Kats.
Posted by jock 29 Nov 2008, 13:53Now that is the oddest thing about the UK - you'd think that the Cadbury's & Nestle chocolates would be the same, right? Well they're not! You can't get chocolate logs in the UK, for example, and you get all kinds of weird ones I'd never seen before in Africa.
How can you live without chocolate logs?
Posted by exile 29 Nov 2008, 17:43Biltong. Five Roses tea. PROPER Cadbury's, rather than their waxy stuff. Bar Ones.
Ah, me. Why go into exile?
Posted by retroid 03 Dec 2008, 13:11But Retroid, you *can* get biltong here (perhaps not in Scotland, where they prefer their haggis deep fried) though I've never understood how anyone can eat the stuff. Blech!You can even get bokkoms.
Five Roses tea I don't miss because of all the other options - but I do miss honeybush (and get tired of being offered "redbush" when I try to explain what honeybush is....). Bar Ones clock Mars Bars, and SA Cadbury's is far nicer than UK Cadbury's same as our Marmite owns their Marmite, and their "fruit juice" is all just reconstituted concentrate usually with tons of aded sugar. Liquifruit, where are you???
I pity any vegetarians - and I do know a good few out here - as they always have to pack saamies to go anywhere, as the lifestyle here is exclusively carnivorous. Oh, and forget Halaal, or even Kosher - there's just no conception of those. No wonder Muslims land up becoming so militant here - they're so marginalised and ghettoised and their their religion and culture so absent from mainstream consciousness! No one local had even heard of Eid, never mind knew when it was... though there are Muslims here somewhere running some of the "Indians" (restaurants).
But, OTOH, they have the Guardian.... and something resembling public transport, that does sometimes come on time.
Posted by Cow 03 Dec 2008, 13:49