Blog of the Week
SEX IS GOOD… GOD AGREEZ!!! By Siwaphiwe
Is goes without saying blog is undoubtedly deserves this award. Read it.
Village Idiot Award
From behind the curtain By Julius Malema
The name says it all.
Joke
Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.”
Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK, I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” He says, “I wanna play Mommie and Daddy.”
Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, “Fine, I’ll play. What do I do?” Johnny says, “You go up to the bedroom and lie down.” Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs.
Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his father’s old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.
His mother raises up and says, “What do I do now?” In a gruff manner, Johnny says, “Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!”
Interview With Fred! (Exclusive)
For old time’s sake, we brought in Fred to see what he thinks about what has been happening in the blog world.
Me: So Fred what do you think of the changes since you left?
Fred: It’s crap.
Me: Whoa! Some of the stuff is pretty good you have to admit, why do you say it’s ‘crap’?
Fred: Coz I can.
Me: Don’t you think you’re a little hasty in your judgement Fred?
Fred: No.
Me: (silence)
Fred: What?
Me: Is there anything else you want to add before I end the interview?
Fred: I kill you.
Dearest Agatha Aunt
John: My name is John. I have this problem. I think I’m being followed. When I walk around campus, there’s this guy that smiles at me. Sometimes, when he feels like scaring the hell out of me, he asks; ‘Why don’t you come to your tut classes?’ I don’t know what to do anymore Agatha. Help!
Agatha: John? I think the creepy guy might be your tutor…
The Horror Scope
Aries (21 March- 19 April)
I predict that you’re going to fail a test. I see you crying. But do not despair, help with come in the form of an understanding lecturer/tutor, but you have to make a choice. Decide what’s best for you.
Taurus (20 April- 20 May)
Disaster is looming. If I were you I’d pack my bags and leave the continent. Better yet, take the first rocket out of here. But love awaits you on the end of this very dark tunnel though; you might just have to kiss a frog to get it.
Gemini (21 May- 20 June)
You’re in two minds about something, don’t make the decision yet, you’re not ready for either. I would also advise you to start going to tutorial classes because dude(tte), you seriously need to pull up yours socks if you want to come back here (or anywhere for that matter) again.
Cancer (21 June- 22 July)
Firstly, Cancer is a seriously messed up name for a star sign, but that’s beside the point. I hereby declare next week to be terrible. You will be crying every other night. I advise you to carry a pack of tissues and your make-up bag (if you a guy and feel squeamish about make-up, have a car accident).
Leo (23 July- 22 August)
Ah, the headstrong idiots. I bet you blog about feminism at every chance. Sad. Seriously sad. Your Horror Scope for the week is short; shut up, say yes, pee quietly.
Virgo (23 August- 22 September)
As deception is your very nature, I predict that you’ll be just fine thinking up an excuse for the girlfriend/boyfriend you cheated on.
Libra (23 September- 22 October)
Libra, Libra, Libra. Stock up on chocolates, good books and a warm fuzzy teddy, you’re gonna need it for those long nights…
Scorpio (23 October- 21 November)
So your lecturer/tutor is picking on you, you got a bigot in class that shows you up, and your sibling just bagged your ex. Get a grip and notice other people. This is your chance to have revenge, but remember; revenge isn’t all that sweet.
Sagittarius (22 November- 21 December)
You’re being a crap about everything. Learn to relax more. It’s not like one essay overdue will kill you. But watch out for that chic in heels if you’re a guy. And girls, out of sight, out of mind; i.e. don’t stay out of sight.
Capricorn (22 December- 19 January)
Er… how about we discuss your funeral plans?
Aquarius (20 January- 18 February)
Stay focused ok? Exams are coming up and you can’t afford to let slip. Not now. Relief will come sooner than you expect it. Just a couple more days.
Pisces (19 February- 20 March)
You got issues. Stop being a brat and start listening to those around you; your parent (singular) for example. Place yourself in there shoes, it’s not easy. And that little appointment you plan on keeping? Forget it, you’re gonna be stood up.
