Life Goals

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Ambition is the enemy of success. Aim low and you'll never be disappointed.

 

-Captain Commando

C.R.I.M.E A.I.D

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Crime Reduces Innocence. Makes Everyone Angry, I Declare.

And thats the truth.

-Captain Scott

Present

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Sorry, We've been away for a while. But we're back now. This one is gonna be a quickie.

Do we need presenters on TV?

I don't mean presenters on shows. I'm talking about those annoying people that show up in between shows: making boring jokes and telling us what's coming up next. Boring jokes aside, these presenters could be replaced by a simple "ticker tape" scrolling at the bottom of the screen (like eTV has). Sometimes they just piss me off.

What do you think.

 

-Captain Picard

Statistics

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"The older you get, the bigger the chances are that you're gonna die."

 

-Captain Obvious

He's not afraid to tell you what you already know.

Who Watches The Watch Makers?

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I think it’s just me, but why are all watch adverts shown with the watch set at 10 past 10 OR 10 to 2? Is it a sign, is it the Doomsday clock staring us in the face, telling us the time is almost up, I really don’t know. What does this all mean?

The face of time is ticking away and we haven’t noticed, and all we have as salvation is the second hand motion of life, time and space merging.

Some claim that watch face resembles a smiley face. But I'm not sure.

Oh, now I see it. I see The Truth.

The Watch makers are dying. It used to be about functionality, now its all about style. Since Everyone carries a cellphone nowadays; Do we really NEED watches anymore. Who Knows.

All I know is that people are too lazy to check the time, and even if they do, it doesnt register in the brain, and even if it registers afterwards, its too late, because the time has already changed. So the reality is; there's no such thing as "the correct time."

The world will look up and ask, "Do you know what the time is?"

And I'll whisper "No!"

 

-Captain RickaTick

 

Trip Generation

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"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"

 

 -Captain 3045

Wise Words

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"Be like a carpenter building stairs; Always think one step ahead."

You should think of building hand railings as well. So that you don’t fall. Life can sometimes be like climbing a flight of stairs; and its good to have hand railings.

-Captain Kirk

Fallen Hero

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty dumpty had a great fall

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again. 

 

Humpty Dumpty was first written about 200 years ago. We’ve all heard it, memorised it and can see the story playing out in our heads. But here is something not many people know. Question: what was Humpty Dumpty?

Wrong! Most people believe Humpty was an egg. Except we have no proof of this. All we have is the information provided in the nursery rhyme. And nowhere does it say that he was an egg. In fact it doesn’t say that Humpty was a ‘He’. For all we know, Humpty was a girl. And in this day and age all eggs are equal; girl eggs can do whatever boy eggs can do. That includes sitting on walls. 

Another thing; why does the king send all his horses to help fix an egg? Sending the men I understand, but horses! Why? Firstly, horses don’t even make very good doctors. You would think that a king would know this. Seriously, how would horses help the situation? If anything you their hooves would only make it worse. Secondly, if you’re the king, and you biggest concern is a broken egg (to which you commit ALL your resources), then maybe you shouldn’t be king. Maybe you shouldn’t be commander in chief of anything. 

And finally, what is the real moral of this story? As this nursery rhyme is intended for children, we assume that there is some sort of lesson. Something to teach the children.  As far as I can see, the only logical moral to this story is “don’t sit on a wall if you’re an egg”. It’s a good thing none of us are eggs, or we’d be in serious trouble. Or maybe the moral is “Don’t send horses to do a doctor’s job. Remember this in case you ever become a king”. Or "Don't let you eggs sit on a wall"... Seriously; what's the point?

Despite this nursery rhyme’s many short comings, let us not forget that in this terrible tale, an innocent man (or woman) lost their life. It does takes a lot of courage to sit on a wall. Captain Courageous salutes this brave egg, and asks for a moment of silence for the fallen hero (no pun intended). 

 

-Captain Courageous

-He says what you’re too afraid to think-

Election 2009

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The votes for last week's poll have been counted. Here are the results: 70% of our readers voted that Peas are better than cabbage. That was an easy one.

Now everybody knows what the world thinks of cabbage.

Grudge Match

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A serious issue has recently come to my attention. It threatens to destroy civilization as we know it. Lines have been drawn, teams chosen, and when the dust settles there can be only one.  Master vs. Pupil. Old vs. New. Cabbage vs. Brussels Sprouts.

Seriously. Who actually likes cabbage?

Just to clarify: cabbage is the junk one. You’re probably confusing it with cauliflower (which is the cool one). Now not that one. I’m talking about cabbage! Yes, the junk one. Seriously. And why do they come in different colours. It’s not as if the red/purple cabbage tastes any different. It’s just farmers taking advantage of the “Ally Effect”. All cabbages taste equally bad in your mouth.

Except for the fact that you make coleslaw using cabbage, there is no other GOOD use for this vegetable. No matter how you prepare it, it always tastes rubbish. Cabbages are clearly very cunning. How did such a junk vegetable manage to survive for so many years? By putting forward false information that they re good for you. They can’t be trusted.

But just when you thought it was safe to continue eating, along comes Brussels sprouts. Those evil little baby cabbages. Are they even from Brussels (in Belgium)? Somehow they manage to taste even worse. Eating sprouts is the reverse equivalent of vomiting. (For a definition of ‘reverse equivalent’ check Wikipedia). In some cultures sprouts are worshiped; because people would rather pray to them than eat them.

This does lead to an interesting paradox. The only way to stop brussels sprouts is to kill the cabbage. In ancient Rome they believed that eating cabbage was the only effective way to destroy the Brussels sprouts. And if one of the greatest civilizations feared sprouts so much, the verdict is simple.

The winner of the match, by unanimous decision is: Brussels’ sprouts.

But by no means should you ever underestimate the cabbage. 

 

-Captain Courageous

-He says what you’re too afraid to think-

[please vote in this weeks poll]

Wisdom For All

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“Don’t be an idiot.”

These words changed my life. Before I do anything, I think: would an idiot do that? If he would then I don’t do it.

We all act like idiots sometimes. I mean, seriously, for 22 years I thought an eagle killed my rabbit; just because my mother told me so. True Story.

 

-Captain Kirk

 

[please vote in this weeks poll]

Words Of Wisdom

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"If you chase two rabbits, you will lose them both"; or catch them both. It depends on the rabbits. Rabbits aren't as fast as you think.

I had a rabbit when I was small, but a eagle killed him.

 

-Captain Kirk

 

What To Watch The MDS

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Ever notice how there’s NOTHING good on TV anymore. Remember the good old days; when you actually wanted to watch TV.

Fortunately there are still a few good shows out there. You just have to know where to look.

I’ll start with the ever popular genre of medical dramas (the MD’s). Without a doubt ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ is currently the best one on TV (in its fifth season). It has a good balance between medical science and soapie drama. And the soapie drama is not like the clichéd crap that you get in ‘Gossip Girl’ or ‘90210’ where he likes her, she’s dating someone else, he had an affair, she’s pregnant, he’s got amnesia, they gave up their child for adoption… and more crap like that. The characters are well crafted, complex and interesting.

I give this show 3 thumbs up (out of a possible 4). Seriously it’s worth watching.

The other big medical show is House, also in its fifth season. The show went through a huge recast in season 4 but still seems to be going strong (despite the show’s off-handed reference to nearly ‘jumping the shark’). The medical mysteries that House solves are always fascinating, but to be honest I don’t care much for his new team. The latest episode features ‘Death Cat’ – a cat that can predict when people are going to die and House sets out to debunk this claim. As I watched, I realized that this cat was more interesting and engaging than Dr.s Taub, Kutner, and Thirteen. I found myself wishing that Thirteen would die, House would fire Taub and Kutner, and then hire the Death Cat. Or why can’t they bring back Cameron and Chase. Who didn’t like them?

Despite the shows poor castin choices, it makes redeems itself with interesting patients and far-fetched diagnoses. I give this show a gold star. It's still very captivating. Watch it and see for yourself.

 Until the next post

Captain Picard

Holland=Netherlands?

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What’s up with the Holland and the Netherlands? Is Holland a country? Is the Netherlands the country? Are they the same place? Do we really care?

So, it turns out that they are not the same place. Netherlands is a country and Holland isn't. Holland is inside the Netherlands. Now you know.

Go Tell the world what you have learnt here.

Although, recent polls do indicate that nobody really cares. Thats All. You can go now.

Captain Commando

The Truth About Babies

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ALL Jelly Babies taste the same! 

Or do they? Read more, to discover the shocking truth.

For many years it some people have believed that the different coloured jelly babies have different flavours. E.g. orange=orange, yellow=lemon, red=raspberry etc. A UCT engineering student took it upon herself to find out. A task which was not nearly as simple as it sounds.

(Actually it was that simple)

In a bold, albeit foolish, endeavor she claimed that she could easily identify the colour of a jelly baby from its taste. She unwisely challenged her somewhat more intelligent friend to prove her wrong. He, being more intelligent, had always known the truth: all jelly babies taste the same. She failed miserably and was unable to correctly identify ANY of the jelly babies she tasted.

In a double blind study (whatever that means), several other students were given various coloured jelly babies and were asked to identify the colour. Throughout the entire survey only two participants were able to accurately identify the colour of the jelly baby. (Although I believe that one of the participants cheated, as he usually does).

There you have it, irrefutable proof.

You know how they say that 75% of taste is actually your sense of smell. Now what we have here is that the different flavor you taste when eating jelly babies is affected by your vision. You see a yellow jelly baby; therefore you taste a yellow jelly baby.

This phenomenon is known as the ‘Ally Effect’ (to credit its discoverer) and is simply defined as “you taste what you see”.

That’s all I have for now, guys. Until next time.

 

Captain Hook

Straight to the point

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